#06 Subpoena the parrot

#06 Subpoena the parrot

“What do you guys think, should we just end this podcast?”

Mark steals Kyle’s trademark intro and it feels pretty good. Brolin eases into puns that make no sense like, “are we telling the truth, or is this just hard to digest?” Reminds Kyle of Sandra Bullock’s character from Demolition Man, Lenina Huxley, who mixes up expressions, like “you really licked his ass!”

A farewell to James Brolin! It’s JB’s last episode as host. Jesse would love to sing him off, but doesn’t know any Barbra Streisand songs. Chris thinks James Brolin was sleeping in his oversized jacket this whole time. Tiffany is just disappointed that the whole episode wasn’t hosted by literally a jacket.

Story 1: The Candlestick–An unfaithful man kills his wife only to discover there was a witness all along.

  • Turns out Jesse can do a great impression of a parrot’s impression of an middle-aged lady.
  • The group points out the overuse of the cheesy, but always great, “page peel” effect in the editing.
  • Chris has no ghostly insight for this one.
  • Jesse expected another twist to the story. A parrot predicting a murder is too simple.
  • Questions are posed about the “failure to report a crime” law, to which Chris’s response is “if a bird knows something about a murder and doesn’t come forward, that bird is going to jail.”
  • Chris also thinks he’s heard this story on the “local news,” but has no further evidence to back this up.

    If you ever see someone giving you this look while adjusting the bass on his surround sound… get the F out.

Story 2: The Diner–An elderly couple who mourn the loss of their son attempt to carry out a master plan on their customers.

  • This was a creepy one. Kyle points out that the couple believed that they were helping people by poisoning them.
  • Chris thinks if this happened you would have heard about it.
  • Jesse doesn’t believe this—how did the cops not know about this? People keep showing up missing and the same cops keeping showing up but never figure it out?
  • Kyle points out that it is suspiciously similar to a Tales From The Crypt episode called What’s Cookin’.

    This is just so creepy.

Story 3: From The Agency–A young girl is trapped in a bank vault only to be rescued by an mysterious woman.

  • Chris got chills from this one. Kyle thought it was lame.
  • Reminded Tiffany of one of her favorite shows, Touched By An Angel (never heard of it). Reminded Jesse of one of his favorite shows Unsolved Mysteries (heard of it). And reminded Kyle of a favorite show of his, Quantum Leap (best show ever).
  • Jesse doesn’t get why an angel would need the girl to help with the lock. She’s a goddamn angel.
  • Tiffany doesn’t get why it’s an angel story at all. There was no moral dilemma, no one learns a lesson.

Story 4: The Magic Rose Garden–A rose garden gives a woman psychic powers.

  • Chris thinks the woman is Psyduck (yet he has know idea what a Psyduck is).
  • Tiffany thinks it’s fact because it’s just so weirdly specific. How could writers come up with this?
  • Kyle thinks the parents were on some drugs. In a shocking turn of events, Kyle exposes himself as likely never having done any drug in his life.
  • Kyle points out a great Brolin insight –  parents calling when they’re children are sick, becuase they sensed something was wrong. This happens to Kyle all the time. He thinks his mom is a psychic (or a Psyduck?)
  • Quack.
“IT’S THE ROSE GARDEN, FREDDY!”

Story 5: The Jeep–An explosion from a bomb miraculously doesn’t harm nearby soldiers.

  • This is the second time there is no reenactment. It’s a story told orally by JB.
  • Chris is going meta—the last oral story was fact.
  • Kyle doesn’t understand the logistics or the timeline of this story. It doesn’t add up.
  • Chris thinks we put way too much time into discussing this one.

Ad: This episode is brought to you by Clairvoynaise 15 Hour Fast Relief Gels.

And our season stats are!

  • Coin: 22% for the season; 22% overall.
  • Tiffany: 50% for the season; 50% overall.
  • Kyle: 53% for the season; 53% overall.
  • Jesse: 56% for the season; 56% overall.
  • Chris: 66% for the season; 66% overall.
  • Mark: 76% for the season; 76% overall.

To James Brolin!!

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